Help! Love, MOM

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For those who may not know, the third rail is a method of supplying current to a locomotive when the trains’ wheels run on two parallel tracks and an electrified third rail running alongside provides the power. The third rail provides an integral service but, if misused, can also be deadly.

The third rail is also a metaphor in the U. S. for any subject that is so charged and controversial as to be considered “untouchable,” much like an actual, live third rail.

In recent meetings, conversations and reconnections with moms of various ages and stages of parenting I rediscovered a “third-rail” of parenting.

The third rail I rediscovered is that when I was actively parenting I believed there was usually something else I needed to be doing for my daughter and simultaneously believing that I was not doing enough to sustain my faith and to please God.

For example, while we celebrate the blessing of Psalm 127 : 3 “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward,” we may simultaneously feel overwhelmed by responsibilities that come along with the “reward.”

You know how it goes. You think, finally, you caught up with … SOMETHING at home: the family laundry maybe, or, your Middle, finally, came home with a passing math grade (the struggle is real), while your Little slept for the entire afternoon, or, you talked with your Big in person. In person? Bonus points – YES!

That’s when you realize that it’s been a minute, mayhap two, since your prayer was longer than a muttered, “Lord help.”

Once again, feeling guilty, you avoid thinking about prioritizing time with the Jesus.

A “third rail” for some parents is the belief that they’re not doing enough for their family OR for their faith.

This guilt is powerful, putrid emotional accelerant for discontent and dissatisfaction with your family and with your relationship with Jesus. It’s a sure way to ensure that you are anxious and uneasy in two (2) of the most important spheres of your life. Ask me how I know.

I want you to try on this thought – even if you are in full time ministry (which most of us are not) at this time in your life, your family is your main ministry to God.

Brian Chillton, the host of the Bellator Christi podcast says that, “scripture seems to indicate that placing family as one’s first priority, after God alone, is a prerequisite for ministry.” He is referring to a biblical pre-req for full time ministry but, I think, the principle holds true for bi-vocational “ministers” like us.

Hear how the bible prioritizes one’s family before full time ministry: 1 Timothy 5:8 ESV But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

In other words the minister, but in this case that’s parent as a minister to his or her family, who does not prioritize family before ministry is behaving like an idol worshipper.

Believe it or not, your kids are ministering to you as well. God, through our children, has a way of putting His divine finger on our heart’s idols.

One of my idols and a third rail is to judge harshly. I have tended to just lose it on my daughter when she was growing up when she would perform a task S L O W L Y – like, sooooo slowly.

I have had to learn how to release my expectation of certain outcomes, and to build capacity for excellence but not rail (pun intended) needlessly at a kid who has a natural bent toward being easy going.

That’s exactly when God in His word reminds me, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you” (Matthew 7:1–2).

The fact that Jesus is kind to me when I was salty to my daughter also rebukes me sharply.

What about this one:

But the very next verse tells us this: Hebrews 10:25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another (emphasis mine) all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

In other words, the writer of Hebrews is not to saying that your ministry of provoking your family to love and good works is unimportant. It’s very important! It pays big dividends!

I believe that you (and the Body of Christ) are amazingly blessed by all the effort you put into your family ministry.

But, I believe that what the writer is also doing is to set forth and to prioritize some good ways of being, specifically, some helpful habits of being a Christian; this as a manner of undoing the “habit of some” to “neglect” meeting together.

If this is true, then he also appears to be saying that to not assemble together with other believers (or attend church),

• as a lifestyle,
• as a habit,
• as a way of doing life as a believer,

is a non – starter.

Our families, wonderful as they are, cannot replace the blessing of engaging with the larger Christian community, the Bride of Christ, the Church, in regular attendance. Apparently, the temptation to not gather for church service is an old one!

To put a finer point on this argument, the writer of Hebrews appears to be saying that to neglect regular church attendance is to actively court idolizing whatever you habitually replace church service with: your spouse, your children, your career, chores eg Sunday house cleaning, a fav hobby et cetera.

However, it is worthy of your loving time and effort before the Lord to prioritize leading your own family well.

You feel the tension between these two poles, yes? Too far over on the one side and you ignore your family, and are biblically “unqualified” for the ministry you literally brought into the world. At the opposite pole we risk making idols out of, often, the best blessings of God in your life, ie your family.

One of the “loudest” lies of our day, says Desiring God president and CEO Mark Segall is that , “There are so many bigger, more productive, more important things you could be doing than raising kids. Parenting is too small for you.“

Don’t believe the lie. Ministry to family is the mom and dad job that pays the well! Your payday is now: enjoy your family, co-labor with your children’s parent to help your kids grow; and, I believe that you will see them become who God has made them to be.

If they also confess Jesus as Savior, God will also graciously, one day, reward them with eternal life in Heaven.

Payday is Coming!

xoxo Kimberly