Hi there Help! Love, MOM tribe. I’m in the process of rebranding. The updated blog, Growing Somewhere: Faith, Family and Finances will be one that makes a positive difference in your faith, family and finances! Do consider subscribing.
Whether you think the summer or the winter season is busier, the chances are good that, if you’re a caregiver, you may feel like you never have a summer beach day or a crisp fall afternoon let alone a whole holiday season to enjoy and to relax.
If you are caregiving without support, you may feel like you are never “off-duty.”
Caregivers, as defined in this context, are family members who regularly attend, manage or look after the physical, mental, medical, financial, legal, and emotional needs of a child, parent, spouse or a non-related minor, sick, elderly, or disabled person.
While caregivers, of course, may also be paid professionals, this blog post references non-paid, non-professional caregiving.
AARP Report
According to a report published by AARP the number of U.S. adult caregivers assisting a child, parent, or other relative has increased to 1 in 5. That translates to 53 million U.S. adults responsible for caregiving. This number has increased from 43.5 million persons reported in 2015.
Although caregivers are all around us, they may be especially invisible at work.
Among other statistics, Gitnux Research in their Struggles and Solutions: Two Income Families Statistics Unveiled reports that:
The number of dual income households has doubled since 1960.
Fully (61%) U.S. households are dual income households in order to remain financially stable (emphasis mine).
About 69% of dual income households report feeling stress due to financial concerns.
Fifty four per cent of dual income families struggle with finding time for self-care and mental health practices.
Thirty three per cent of dual income families have student loan debt.
Dual income families are more likely to take on side jobs (or gig work) to supplement their income.
The Guardian 2023 Report on Caregiving suggests that the rising demand for loved ones to also function as caregivers has the potential to increase financial upheaval in many families especially given the inflationary times in which we currently live.
As the demand on workers’ time to care for loved ones increases, the amount of time they still need to devote to work stays the same, leaving little breathing room and creating significant challenges. Almost a quarter (22%) of individuals must split their time between full-time work and caregiving duties that often include medical and nursing tasks — effectively pulling double duty.
This suggests that among the many other struggles families already face, caregiving is often an added mental, financial and professional or vocational strain.
It also seems that caregiving may put pressure on finances and mental health and may prohibit forward advancement or continued employment at work, consequently, placing housing in jeopardy.
It appears that more couples find caregiving to be potentially detrimental to marital relationships as the need to give care to someone other than the spouse presents hardships to the couple’s relationship.
In an attempt to resolve this potential hardship, in some states, one may get paid as a caregiver for your own relative through a state Medicaid program. These are programs that some states refer to as CDPAP or a consumer-directed personal assistance program.
I know a family where one member offers paid caregiving to another through such a program.
The family reports that they find this arrangement deeply satisfying: they keep their loved one out of a nursing facility, the CDPAP-employed family member offers care to the elderly family member in a sensitive manner while concurrently generating income.
When I thought about it, I recalled a couple of co-workers themselves caring for or arranging care for seriously ill parents. Then, I remembered a long time family friend raising a special needs grandchild from birth to, now, middle age.
Then there was my neighbor and his once razor sharp wife, still dear, living with dementia. I almost forgot my childhood friend whose niece had juvenile diabetes. I also recalled church friends caring for relatives both in and outside of their homes and on and on the list could continue.
Caregiving is all around me. I’d wager that caregiving is all around you as well. Indeed, it has been said that, “We have become a nation of caregivers.”
How can we see and support caregivers?
If, indeed, we are a “nation of caregivers” then there should be national support for this important role.
As it turns out, nationally, we do have an important tool to support caregivers.
April 2024 was the one year anniversary of President Biden’s Executive Order on Increasing Access to High-Quality Care and Supporting Caregivers.
In honor of the one year anniversary, among other things, supporters of the executive order said this:
“[As a society we must] ensur[e] the caregivers receive the respect and support they deserve;”
“Many of us have also provided care to others – a child, an elderly parent, someone with a disability;” and,
“Given that most Americans will need help at some point in our lives to continue living in our own homes, to provide support to a loved one, or both, the progress we are making [to provide an executive order to support caregiving and caregivers] is critically important for all of us.”
Of course the executive order is not perfect. For example, unfortunately, there is no funding attached.
However, it is a much welcomed beginning to focus national attention on a national issue.
Employer Support for Caregivers
Every person I interviewed for this post spoke about the need to re-arrange work time to accommodate their caregiving responsibilities. Every interviewee also reported employers’ widely divergent policies around this matter.
One person retired early in order to be more available as the family member’s condition worsened. He reported that his employer (Nestle) amply supported that.
Another employer (local law enforcement) was open to the interviewee taking time already accrued in their general “bank” of days off “repurposed” specifically for caregiving.
We must note that these examples are employees of longstanding who each had worked for decades for one company, an unusual practice today.
Employer support of time off for caregiving is likely to be highly linked to length of time employed and supremely helpful in a caregiver’s journey.
Every state has different laws to support caregivers to different extents. Please check out State Paid Family Leave Laws Across the U.S..
Community Support for Caregivers
Please also ask in your network. You may be surprised at what you discover. Community resources come in various forms and tend to be highly tailored to the communities served.
Resources for:
- Caregivers or for veterans in need of a caregiver; Please check out this website.
- Adults with Alzheimer’s, stroke, brain injury, and other chronic debilitating health conditions; These are online support groups.
- A guide to researched and tested adaptive devices; and, finally
- AARP has an amazing array of articles and resources on caregivers .
Family Support for Caregivers
First, the caregivers of spouses I interviewed seemed not to need any celebration. They gave care out of a deep sense of the solemnity of marriage vows taken and viewed the altered relationship with the spouse as equally valid as the original. They spoke of their marriage vows over and over again.
These caregiving spouses seemed not to need support from others though it was welcomed if offered.
However, caregivers of others, for example, small children or elderly parents, sometimes were drowning in unmet needs. One of the first needs was to be seen.
To be seen is to be acknowledged, to be met with genuine, warm regard from another person who acknowledges one’s humanity. To understand and operate from the basic understanding that we are made in the image of God and, as such, DESERVE to be treated with dignity and with respect is what it means to be “seen.”
Given the research, I was surprised at the generally positive view of caregiving I found among the persons I interviewed. Based on popular wisdom, I believe that these experiences may be outliers.
Many report that their family finances are being drained by the high cost of care. Dementia is a particularly difficult disease to manage.
However, it could be that these persons were exceptionally supported and, therefore, had more positive experiences with caregiving. That is to say that the interviewees may have felt more “seen” than other persons in similar circumstances.
After we “see” someone shouldn’t we partner with them, and befriend the caregiver? We can offer an encouraging word, a contribution of cash or some other practical gift.
For example, during one interview, it was stated that, while every sibling might not be able to change the sick parent’s diapers, for example, financial assistance to purchase diapers would be acceptable.
For these kinds of offers to be accepted, however, requires that we both see and, at some level, befriend and partner with the caregiver.
The real question is, then, will we make the time and space to see the caregivers in our lives, to offer ourselves in genuine friendship to them and some level of partnership. I hope so. YOU not yours, to quote Paul the Apostle, is what caregivers need more than any other thing.
Please tell me your experiences in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.
Caregivers – we see you!
xoxo Kimberly
A video of the caregiving experience of one family.
Help! Love, MOM 
We’d love it if you’d leave a comment.