Help! Love, MOM

Ladies: Can you relate?

To be clear, as a menopausal woman, I no longer bleed monthly but I have bright memories of when I did.

It was bad. Starting around my late 30s, my life began to revolve around my periods.

My doctor informed me that this time of a woman’s life is called perimenopause.

It was so bad.

Perimenopause is the time before menopause when (a woman’s) body is getting ready to stop having periods. Perimenopause is sometimes called the menopausal transition.

The Mayo Clinic

Especially challenging was the night sweats, one of my triggers was and still is pasta, wicked insomnia, brain fog, nausea, constipation, diarrhea and heavy bleeding accompanied by a pain that resisted intervention.

I left work early several times due to the level of pain – 10+ – I was experiencing. On one occasion, in addition, because I was so unsteady on my feet, my boss walked me to me car.

Without an iota of exaggeration, during my period, the pain I endured was such that I longed for death.

Seriously. I prayed for death. I wanted to die. I hoped to die. Anything to stop the grinding, nauseating, debilitating pain.

After surviving another period, on the other hand, as many women do, I reached out to my network, my friends

Amazing women I’ve known for a lifetime already, with whom I have shared some of the best and worst times of my life. I love them and, I know, they love me right back.

My friends dismissed my period pain and other symptoms.

“Girl! You’ve had your period before!” True. But not like this.

“You bled through a pad AND a tampon?! HOW???”

Yep, sure did. In less than an hour, every hour for the last 7 hours.

Back then, during my menstrual cycles- which also began to last longer than they used to- I spent more time in the bathroom than at my desk.

The days left me exhausted, physically weak and shocked that I had any blood left in me to rush out of my body in the form of clots as soon as I managed to stand up.

Mind you, everyday during this period – yep, pun intended – was a day I spent terrified and fearfully anxious that I might embarrass myself by bleeding through my clothes.

“Girl, just take a Midol. That should help you.”

My pain was very medicine resistant. Only Pamprin helped IF I dosed as I felt the cramps coming.

To pop a pain reliever when it felt as if my insides were being wrung out: useless.

One day after, or, maybe while, I was still enduring one of those diabolical periods, I happened to speak to my mom.

My mother and I had a complicated relationship.

She was a great mom in most ways, especially to adult me. We enjoyed each other’s company and often shared belly laughs.

One of our favorites was the way Southerners say “Bless your heart,” while they likely mean something closer to, “Oh you poor dear.”

Maybe because she was a a widow by then and, had her own burdens, I didn’t necessarily reach out to her beyond my superficial hurts and pains.

But, when I called her this time, I suppose, she heard “something” in my voice.

For my part, the overwhelming pain and sorrow pushed me to let it all out to Mommy: the crimson flood, the maddening pain, the agonizing suffering, the shame and embarrassment of bleeding so much, every shameful (to me at the time) bit of it.

First. My mom listened, really listened.

Next, I will never forget my her response. Her voice calmly conveying concern: “Honey, that’s not normal. You should go see a doctor.”

Flooded by shock I thought something like, “What?! You mean EVERYBODY doesn’t go through this?”

Absolutely every woman does not.

Painful periods, medically defined as dysmenorrhea, affects at least 45% of all childbearing women.

According to studies, almost half of all women of childbearing age suffer from dysmenorrhea.

Of these women 2% – 29% also miss work or other assignments due to the pain they suffer monthly.

I knew that my endured experience was not universal, but that it might not be on the spectrum of normal—unbelievable.

I don’t remember Mommy’s next responses to my questions but I am sure that in the best way her answers had a “bless her heart,” kind of tone.

My mom’s statement put me on the path of seeking out competent medical assistance. I began to press my gyn for additional help.

What I discovered was that, sure, a level of discomfort during your period is normal but not universal.

But if you are, as I was, missing in action from your life by skipping days of work, play, or rest due to period pain or excessive bleeding—my dear sister, that is not normal, and I pray that you find medical support for your symptoms.

In addition, from this point forward, thankfully, I had a kind, genuinely concerned ear and heart to check in with for support in my mom. Later, I was able to add my cousins to that circle.

I pray that you look for and find a good doctor who can support alleviating your pain.

I pray that you tell your story one more time until you find that someone who will have deep empathy and compassion for your distress.

I pray that God will supernaturally provide you with a network of friends, family or older women who will support your journey to wholeness and pain free months.

Hear me – heavy, painful periods are not normal. There’s help. Look for help.

The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;

Friend – Especially during your period, may the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace – Numbers 6:24-26

BLESSINGS

xo Kimberly